Blonde Jokes

[Jyo]

Here's one:

3 girls are stranded on an island: one blond, one redhead, and one brunette. The redhead spots a lamp, and rubs it, and a genie appears.

The genie explained to the girls that he will grant each of them one wish of there choice

First up is the redhead, and the redhead wishes that she could be back home with her husband and family

Wish granted

Then the brunette wishes that she could be on a romantic cruise with her boyfriend and have all the money in the world.

Wish granted

The the genie asks what the blond's wish is

And she replies: "I wish I had my two friends back!!!"

Lol, go ahead and post other blonde jokes you know.

[Rikazu]

A blond is walking on a trail, when she notices some tracks. She follows them, wondering what kind of tracks they could be. "It cant be a rabbit, it is to wide." She kept talking to herself, pondering, and still following the tracks.
After a hour, a train hit her.

[Jyo]

Lol good one.

[SF]

Haha, Dak.

[King of Things]

A blonde is driving down a road when she sees another blond in the middle of a field sitting in a boat with oars. She pulls off to the side, gets out of her car and screams "Its people like you that make blondes look bad! Why, if I my swimsuit on, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!

[JakeSteel]

A brunette is skipping along a traintrack singing "23, 23, 23".
Eventually, a blonde joins her.

The brunette gets off the tracks when she sees a train, but the blonde keeps going.
She gets hit, the brunette gets back on singing "24, 24, 24".

[Rikazu]

KoT, lol! Jake, Ive seen that one before on the Apple.

[JakeSteel]

Well, I never joined the apple, so...

And KoT, I heard that one before... somewhere.

[Rikazu]

Off a site.. =D

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

Another one..

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

And this one, its a blondes diary.

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!

[Pikmin]

man i died of laughter reading those XD

[Rikazu]

While I try to find more, heres another.

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

Another.

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

[Pikmin]

first - stupid

second - XD

[Rikazu]

Found Q and A blonde jokes, here we go.

Q. Why was the blonde in the tree?
A. Because she was raking up the leaves!


A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.

Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?
A. Donut seeds.

Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave at her.

Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.

Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first."

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run like hell - she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q.Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.

Q. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A. You hear about them all the time, but you never see one.


Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.


Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

[Radar30]

A few of my favorites..

A group of blondes were going to Disneyland when they came upon a sign that said, "Disneyland Left"... so they went home.


A blonde went to a movie and it said, "Under 17 Not Permitted"... so she went home and got 16 of her friends.


In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"


A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
So sure enough, the man jumped. So the blonde gave the redhead the $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

[JakeSteel]

Please stop Pik. We all know you think they are funny. You don't have to comment after each one.

These are pretty good, you guys .

[Pikmin]

jake i posted 2 times what is the big deal?

[Johnywilko]

A blonde asks the doctor: Do you have pill for worms?

Doctor: Is it for 'kids or adults'

Blonde: How should I know their age?

[Pikmin]

post deleted

[Johnywilko]

meany.

[SF]

[JakeSteel]

See, that's what I'm talking about. Stop spamming. Stop posting one woprd posts and one smiley posts.

[SF]

Ooops. Sorry. I should of never posted that.

[Natz]

this one is pretty good:

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The
woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow,
that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch!
That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT
hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

[Justice Monkey]

Ok, a blonde and a brunette were at the beach. The brunette was playing out in the water when a huge wave toppled her over. The blonde immediately ran in to save her and after she dragged the brunette out, called 911.

"Please help me! My friend just got hit by a wave I think she's dead!"

"Ok honey, calm down," said the operator. "First, make sure she is dead."

"Ok, hold on." There is silence and a gunshot is heard. "Now what?"

[aussibabe]

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

and

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

and

A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration."

The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

and

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

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